but a dream within a dream


The Portuguese word "saudade", loosely translated,denotes "longing", "melancholy", or "nostalgia." In the context of Portuguese, however, the term connotes a meaning that is irrevocably lost in translation. In his book In Portugal of 1912, A.F.G Bell makes a few disquisitional remarks on the meaning of "saudade" given its intended context:

"The famous saudade of the Portuguese is a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness but an indolent dreaming wistfulness."

2. LIS, 18.02.05

An airport is a harbour of the soul
Wards hold hearts like apples in time
A nursing takes place
Where the cradled child shines

We try not to think
of hospital beds
Lest life, saddened, forget
Our daily toil to reward it.

3. LIS, 18.02.05

Will you show me the ice
I said
the skin of reindeer
I said
the drum that sings your people
to peace
will there be laughter
and women and cups
I said
Thank you,
for a part of my healing.

4. AMS, 18.02.05

the rain outside these walls
might help our little farm
endure one

night ere day ere smiles
cans, pup, equal hearts alive
thirty or less

ten beats
trust a small planet to kindle kindred eyes

5. HKI, 19.02.05


made in islands of the heart
to cross the roads,
self reflection

lakes and plains, skipped beats
the geography of your homeland
mirrors a greatness of the soul

and aside
my respectful stare?

6. HKI, 19.02.05


not expressionless
i know
there you are,
like snowy roads
like the soft mounds
your faces are the sum
of all emotions.

7. HKI, 19.02.05

Rock it baby

Hoo blonde blonde!
Printing complete,
get down here and have some wine,
or we're gonna have to find some


8. 20.02.05 early dawn

"yesterday i met one of the most faithful and self-aware faces, her eyes so silent and yet love, here, can be said - i do not dare to show it for her name is light that burns the ailing traveller - in fifteen different ways. and then she turned, walking away, leaving my certainties frozen to the shaking ground. never have i tasted such form of passion."

9. HKI, 20.02.05


how lonely and aching
those lakes like turf
your perfect moon
your crying hands

sending maybe for help,
a winter garden of hope
my endless fire
my crystal faith

it stopped
did we make that happen?
did the stars blow in
the wind, for a while
as we kissed
the old man's riddle?


10. HKI, 20.02.05


How my newfound brother
had me drunk
immersed in wild berries
from the hands of a tall
silent woman
sprang reindeer, some
not any specific one.

11. Midnight, somewhen

it was then that we
pierced with flames
for a moment could see
the true reason for names

and arms, coupled, broke fear

12. Puurijärvi, 21.02.05

tiny tracks on snow
and steep, enchanted pathways
how much my heart can ache
for knowing we must part.

13. Forssa, 21.02.05

kebab at araz

strange thing
i am not
by any standards
sheer joy to see
eating your choice
in all this light
this blinding light
where dark men came
to find themselves

14. Huittinen, 21.02.05

Tea Time

or how i met the image of harmony, simplicity and honesty, on two frail hands that signed a book, your mirror in the hall saying that our so much different hair and eyes were but separate instants in time, your gift an island of warmth.

15. Penttilänniemi, 21.02.05


a vertical tale
for the perfect class
present in every move
you make
in every line
you create
not cold here
it lies outside
driven by your spark.

16. Huittinen, 22.02.05

Two stones

Erect as houses
in the ruthless chill
complete as halls
there i learned from you
how to drop words

17. Vantaa, 22.02.05


one beginning, south
and pine, and wind, and skin
one beginning, north
and love, and life, and voice
one of three, between
and trust, and tears and hands
on fragile space

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